What's been bugging me a lot lately is that, I've been really down and hard on myself. The thing about my personality is when I don't get something right or achieve what I want when I want, frustrates me to the max. I always want to be the best and sometimes I really just can't. For instance, I've been trying to find a reputable modeling agency for a few days now in Colorado and I just feel like I can't find one or that I'm not pretty enough, tall enough, talented enough etc. I admit I do get insecure about myself and myself keeps me from branching out sometimes. I really want to find the RIGHT modeling agency and want to be a Vans model to be in a campaign as soon as possible and that's exactly my problem. I have very little patience, stubborn and hard headed, that's my personality and is something I need to work on, but when I want to have modeling as a career it's hard.
Something that a lot of people don't know is that I do have depression and anxiety and for the last month or so I've been REALLY down. A little back story as to why I've been sad is that I thought I had this great life, living in Denver, thinking I had people who had my back and then literally having it taken all away from me, forcing me to go back and live with my parents. It's hard swollowing your pride and going back home, it's embarrassing to say the least. I feel like as soon as I feel as if I'm on top of the world, it turns upside down and I know it's life. I don't want this to be a pity part for Katie, but if you're sad, down and depressed you absolutely have to express it.
Since I'm on the topic of depression, I want people to get something out of this post and reach out to people who have it. I have a lot of tips to help you all out so I'll make a list for y'all and hopefully it will really help you in your personal life!
Admit It To Yourself That You Struggle With Depression- Don't be in denial, as soon as you can sit back, say it and know in your heart you're depressed, the sooner you can get help.
Talk About It With Someone- In order to help yourself, you can't bottle it in. Personally, when I know I'm really going through a phase of depression, I go to my primary care doctor because I trust her, I've been her patient since I was about six years old, she knows me and she has my best interest. Even though I haven't been to an actual therapist, she's kind of like my therapist. After, I talk to her and seek help from her, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulder. To be honest, I recommend if you're depressed, seek your primary care doctor and talk about your symptoms and what's making you upset and your doctor will help you whether it's through medication, a therapist or both.
If you don't want to go to your doctor, a therapist or be put on medication, just talk to someone you trust and feel comfortable around. You need to talk about your feelings, as much as you might not enjoy it, you'll feel better after. Don't bottle up your emotions, letting them out feels good, take it from someone who likes to hold a lot of things in!
Keep Yourself Busy- Keeping yourself busy is something that helps me not think about what's going on in my life and keeps me from thinking about the negative thoughts I have. Having a job, modeling, blogging, hanging out with friends and family help keep me positive and happy, I suggest if you're suffering from depression, try something you're interested in, stay busy with a job, etc.
YOU Are The One Who Ultimately Chooses Whether To Help Yourself Or Not- It might sound a little harsh, but it's true. You're the one who makes the decision as to whether you want to get out of your dark tunnel or not. You have to be the one who wants the CHANGE in your life. Others can only do so much for you, they don't determine your happiness, you do. I've seen people struggle with depression, have therapists, are on medication, the whole shebang but don't seem to change. It is a hard thing to go through, I know. But, you need to want to help yourself and want to change yourself. Determine whether you want to change and be happy or want to stick to your same routine and not change your ways.
STAY STRONG- From my heart to yours, you're not alone. You might feel alone and worthless but truly you're not. If you feel as if you need to take your life, please seek medical attention or call a suicide hotline. Here is the National Suicide Hotline Phone Number,
Your life is precious, you are beautiful, you have potential, you are worth it, you are not alone and if you just want someone to talk too, you can email me at
callmekatiee.business@gmail.com
So, I guess that's it for my Random Wednesday post! I'll talk to you all tomorrow!
XOXO
No comments:
Post a Comment